Any Titanic buffs from North-West England?


Well, I can see you're against assassination, Jim, and so am I actually, so we'll have to think of some really imaginative sentences for them instead. Since Angelina demanded that the bewildered Namibians cleared their airspace for her plane when she went to give birth there, for some reason or other, I think we could enlist the Israeli airforce to hunt her plane and force it down in the north Sahara from where it would be a 5 day trek without make-up to get back to civilisation. Only for her to find herself immediately delivered into the hands of a Moroccan back-street tattooist. And we could all text in stuff we'd like to see on her. Geldof could be sentenced to six months at the Brian Ferry School of Grooming for Gents, then be forced to tour Ethiopia being polite to everyone he met, and fined a substantial sum for charity every time he swore.

I don't think I was a slave to my husband - which is possibly why we're divorced. But I was certainly enslaved by the Abbey National Building Society. But, then, so are most of us. I suppose it was a better fate than being a serf to a medieval lord. At least they didn't give me nothing but a pike and an ill-fitting helmet and make me go and fight a battle in a muddy field against someone I'd never heard of.
 
I now pass sentence. Virtually ALL of the aforementioned celebrities will be compelled to do hands-on work for the charity or environmental/social cause of their choice, with no access to the media and no photographs taken, for up to five years. Having been in the trenches, quietly, for that long, they will then have earned the right to lecture all they want.

As a codocil, let me add that any use of the term "awareness" by these celebrities, in conjunction with any social/environmental/charitable causes subsequent to their five year sentence will be viewed as a violation of parole, and harsh measures will be taken. For example "I'm here today to promote AIDS awareness" shall not be toleratated. "Dear Sir," or "Kind Miss" the court shall say, "There are mercifully few people in the western world- your primary, overwhelming, audience- who are UNAWARE of AIDS. For the painful frivolity, not to mention intolerable pompousness, of your statement, you are sentenced to work, quietly, with no media attention, with a medical corps in Africa for two years. Yes, amongst AIDS patients. Now, begone."
 
I'd much prefer for them all to meet with a nasty "Accident". Like those two guys who've just been killed putting up the stage for a Madonna concert in France. Such a futile waste of two young men's lives...

Nobody's going to turn up to it.
 
Mention of the word "Awareness" in the context Jim mentions is enough to get me to switch the channel to something more logical and less insulting to the intelligence...like reruns of the otherwise excerable Gong Show. Failing that voting with my remote to turn the bloody telly off is a wonderful tonic for this sort of grandiose posturing.

Hell's bells, if I want a sermon, I'll go to a church, temple, mosque, synagogue or other house/place of worship and get it from a professional. I don't need it from some celebrity who's mistaken him/herself for somebody of importance.
 
May as well plan ahead - Anyone doing anything in the North West this coming April?

I'm thinking of perhaps a trip to Liddypool as I have been going to Colne for the past 5 years straight. Have to pay a visit to Wallace though, so I'll probably do that the week before.

Anybody up for meeting up in Liverpool on the 13th April next year? See some sights, have some chats, sink some jars and end the night at The Cavern? Apparently you get to play on stage there on a Saturday night, which is a long standing dream of mine.
 
Details are Subject to change, but a Titanic Road Trip is being arranged for next year if anyone would like to get involved. London - Southampton - Godalming - Belfast - Liverpool - Colne over 5 days, I suppose.
I'll be spending the next few weeks finding out what we can go and see and get up to in Belfast, Liverpool and Colne (Though I know most of the Liverpool leg will involve gettin' hammered and singing songs on Mathew Street - I'll be bringing a geet), and I believe Carla will be doing the same for the Southern aspects of the trip.

Updates will be made as and when. Any suggestions are welcome.
 
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