First of all, yes, you did see a reference to Sylvia Lightoller in Stenson' bio of Lights. The passage reads:
Sylvia Lightoller made a point of spending a great deal of time talking with the officers of the Californian during the inquiry and reported back to her husband how they had openly admitted to her that several attempts had been made to rouse Captain Lord and tell him of the rockets but that he seemed unconcerned. She also got the impression that his officers were nervous of him and dared not do anything that might incur his annoyance. She would later recall an incident when her husband endeavored to introduce her to Captain Lord during an interval at the inquiry, and she indignantly refused to shake his hand. 'Come on now, Sylvia,' Lightoller said earnestly, putting his arm round her. 'Don't kick a man when he's down." Strangely, Captain Lord would claim never to have met Lightoller or his wife. However, he would write to Lightoller seeking support to clear his name after the British Inquiry severely censure him for ignoring rockets which were concluded to have been those from the Titanic. Lightoller was sympathetic in his letters back to Lord but there was little he could say or really do to help. He had seen merely the light of a ship 5 or 6 miles off that night. There was nothing else in the way of concrete evidence he could offer to assist Captain Lord's case.
This is quite a bit different from what you said: "Sylvia Lightoller really let Stanley Lord have it royally. It was all Lights could do to pull his wife away from him, telling her not to kick a man when he's down." I see no indication whatsoever that Sylvia personally attacked Captain Lord in any way, her reaction when meeting him being limited to a reluctance to shake hands with him.
It is also interesting to note that none of the Californian's officers mentioned above corroborate any conversations with Mrs Lightoller, nor the context of any such conversations.
And, though you are correct that in his book written more than 20 years after the disaster, Lightoller faults the Californian for not coming to the rescue, his views in 1912 during the aftermath of the disaster were rather different, if his letters to Captain Lord are any indication. We can only speculate why he changed his tune when he wrote his book. Here are the two letters he wrote to Captain Lord:
October 12, 1912
Dear Captain Lord
I can truly assure you that you have my sincerest sympathy and I would have written you before to that effect had I known your address. I sincerely hope that your efforts may be successful in clearing up the mystery of which you speak. That another ship or ships might have been in the vicinity is quite possible and it seems a strange attitude for the B of T to take. I quite see how horribly hard it is for you and it must be doubly so with this other ship in your mind. I certainly wish you every success in clearing the matter up.
Yours very sincerely,
The second letter reads:
December 15, 1912
Dear Capt. Lord,
We have so little time at home that my letters have to wait till I get to sea. I have read your enclosure with great interest, it certainly does seem extraordinary. All the same, those Mount Temple chaps might have volunteered the information when it would have been some use to you. I am awfully sorry but I have not the faintest idea how her head was.
You see, I just turned out and went straight to the boats and beyond what came out in the evidence I know absolutely nothing about it or I would gladly let you know.
With regard to the steamer seen -- I saw a light about two points on the port bow and could not say whether it was one or two masthead lights or stern light -- but it seemed there about 5 or 6 miles away. I did not pay much attention to it beyond calling the passengers attention to it -- for their assurance.
I really do hope you will be able to clear the matter up. As to the B of T their attitude towards you is as inexplicable as in many other things -- I don’t hold any breif (sic) for them.
Wishing you success
Again, these letters suggest something quite different from what you said: "During the sinking Lightoller wished he had a gun and a couple of shells to wake up the ship he saw in the distance."