UPCOMING Sale of TITANIC Artifacts

Bob Godfrey

Member
Nov 22, 2002
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And don't complain that it was faulty, because that's entirely authentic. It would have got you to a location only 13 miles away from Paul's place, and after that all you had to do was follow the smell of money.
 

Jim Kalafus

Member
Dec 3, 2000
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Funny thing. Each time I arrived at the Rogers' house, the lights would snap off and Paul would call out "Be up in a minute." Despite the cars in the drive and parked along the street. Finally, on the third time, I phoned, using a Motorola Tracfone (SAVED BY A THIRD CLASS PASSENGER) and both Rogers apologized profusely for not having told me that they had moved. And, the new address, when programmed into SatNav, led me to a sewage processing plant. Later, they told me that I hade inverted a digit, and the house number was 100050003008, not 800050003001. But, I have grave doubts....
 

Bob Godfrey

Member
Nov 22, 2002
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Clearly you ignored my after-sales advice. Clearly you didn't take green flares. Paul always comes running when he sees his favourite colour on the horizon.
 

Paul Rogers

Member
Nov 30, 2000
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West Sussex, UK
Bob: it's not my fault that I have had to constantly chase money in recent years. Anyway, things will be better in the New Year, as Carol has had her credit card stolen. I haven't bothered to report it to the police as, since the theft, the monthly bills have fallen by around 70%.

Based on these events, I have decided to reduce my work availability by one third to only two days per week. It's bad timing as, due to the recession, I have been forced to cut my day rate by 50% to only £8,750 + Expenses + VAT. This decision will make life tougher, and so we'll have to forego those little luxuries we used to indulge in, but the stress of working a 21 hour week was beginning to affect my life/work balance.

Jim: the SatNav was working correctly. We live in a sewage processing plant. I saw a car circling and wondered why no-one actually bothered to get out and ring the doorbell. Next time, please have a little faith in people; you will find the world a better place if you do.
 

Bob Godfrey

Member
Nov 22, 2002
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Well, Paul, I'd never intended to admit that it was me wot had it away with Carol's credit card, but since my action was clearly to your advantage perhaps we could negotiate a fee for services rendered? As I spent a whole day in the settling tank casing the joint I think £8,750 + Expenses + VAT would be fair? But I give fair warning that my expenses were considerable - especially the dry cleaning bills.

239914.jpg
 

Paul Rogers

Member
Nov 30, 2000
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Haha! Nice try, Bob but I did say that Carol's credit card bill had fallen by 70%. Not by 99.99%. I took the liberty of having you placed under surveillance by a private investigator, and he confirmed that your total monthly expenditure never exceeds £1 13s 4d - so you simply cannot be the thief.

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Jan 28, 2003
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This is all utterly ridiculous. You're all mad, stupid, and silly, and I'm ashamed to be associated with you. The operating system on the Titanic was open-architecture, and the forerunner of Linux and, sadly, not yet compatible with Cape Race. Hence the disaster. Thank goodness for the GPS signal built into Baker Joughin's Kenwood Chef which he lugged overboard at considerable risk to himself.
 

Jim Kalafus

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Dec 3, 2000
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>the SatNav was working correctly. We live in a sewage processing plant.

Ah, no. I had a 'plant' at your party (who informed me that there was a lot of 'obeast-making food that makes you obeast if you eat obeast-making food' available) who told me about the 'freeze, hit the floor, turn out the lights and play dead' order that was in effect should I show up.

So, nice try... but I see thru your risible ruse. You want me to be arrested while trying to break into a sewage treatment plant which is closed for the holidays.
 

Paul Rogers

Member
Nov 30, 2000
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West Sussex, UK
Sadly, yes. I thought I was being kind as, when I saw Alyson at Gatwick airport, she looked no more than a single meal away from dying of starvation. So I invited her to spend New Year's with us, where I force-fed her cake, cream and chocolate, to build up her obeastity.

I presently perfectly perceive that Jim had playfully placed a plant into my plant.
 
Jan 28, 2003
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This is just terrible. I thought Tim liked me. I liked him and, without his wig, he seemed quite normal. But only yesterday, a weird garbage bin man rang the doorbell and told me that the microchip in the recycling bin had registered ash from Welsh coal, and a Commodore PET beneath the packaging from an Xmas Wii. He was rather menacing, and said that his flight left in 4 hours, in a falsetto voice. Can't you control Alyson?
 

Jim Kalafus

Member
Dec 3, 2000
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Plant was planted prudently, and perceptively, pre-empting Paul's plot. Rogers~ rascal~ readily realised that rotten reprimands resultant from his regretable ruining of my reputation wraught rueful ramifications (Rout and rampage? By me? Oh, REALLY....) regarding the success of his New Years party. Jim, generally jolly, justifiably jeers at jackanapes and jackdaws~ subsequently, silly scheme centering, sadly, on sewage subterfuge sank. Plant posted pithy prompts previewing Paul's perfidy.

Monica- menancing, mustached, miniskirted man in mod mop-wig? My god.
 

Jim Kalafus

Member
Dec 3, 2000
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We used to torment a co-worker by speaking, endlessly, in alliteration. Or in Dr. Seuss meter. Subsequently, I am disturbingly good at doing either off the top of my head. Be glad, very glad, we werent sparring in Seuss.
 

John Clifford

Member
Nov 12, 2000
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Okay.
This sounds more like the details of the failed plot to kidnap our illustrious Site Administrator, and the demand that the ransom amount be the cash value of the Titanic Artifacts. This way the "Partners In Crime" could make bids on the items.

Now, though, at least one of the Moderators won't be notified by the Toronto branch of Peuchen Allison Bank (based in Ottawa), "Sorry, but that check will leave your account more than slightly overdrawn!!".
 

Jim Kalafus

Member
Dec 3, 2000
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I have the gun: that makes me right. That is the nature of power, John. Where do you think I came up with $6,000,000.00? An overdraft at a drive-thru bank?

Bonus points if you get the reference. ANTR and POSEIDON tie-in.
 

John Clifford

Member
Nov 12, 2000
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quote:

Be glad, very glad, we werent sparring in Seuss.
No, Jim, that will be left for the questions about the Auction,
such as:

"Are you going there, on a train? Will you be traveling in the rain?"

"Will you be staying in a house? Will you be staying with a mouse?"

and

"Will you be there in a box? Will you be there with a fox?"


BTW, the rumors are false: they won't be serving Green Eggs and Ham.​
 
Jan 29, 2001
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Heard it first on 10:00 Bay area news with Julie Haner..."Own a piece of the Titanic". The April 100th anniversy of the sinking of the Titanic will be hosted by an auction of 5,000 artifacts recovered from the wreck of the Titanic, including the "Big piece". Estimated to be worth 6.5 million dollars. Many of us here new this day was enevitable after a decade of non/pro salvage debates.

Just coincidence I finally obtained a copy of "Les Objects Du Titanic" same day as yesterday's news cast.

Michael Cundiff
NV, USA