UPCOMING Sale of TITANIC Artifacts

Jim Kalafus

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Dec 3, 2000
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>Captain Smith's Gillette Fusion ProGlide Power Razor.

The museum to which I tried to donate it, post-purchase, had the temerity to suggest that I was an idiot. So much for philanthropy. And, not to air dirty laundry in public, but the 15 yards of Lycra that I bought from you, recovered from the shipment Lucile Duff-Gordon was bringing to the US, has never arrived.... did you ever get around to mailing it?
 
Jan 28, 2003
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Sorry about that, Jim. But the Lycra was put to good use, as you can see. I think Lucile would have been pleased.
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Paul Rogers

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Nov 30, 2000
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I've learned my lesson. Some con artist tried to sell me Wilde's iPhone - the original 4GB version because, obviously, Apple didn't even release the iPhone 3G in the UK until 1919. Luckily at the last minute, I remembered that Wilde was an avid Nokia fanboy, and had hung on to his old Nokia 6210, even though the battery life was poor and it only had a monochrome screen. A damn close-run thing.
 

Paul Rogers

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I was thinking of submitting an article, actually: "The Titanic Wireless"

It would be an in-depth review of the mobile network* available throughout the ship and the range of hands-free devices used by the crew. I have discovered some fascinating information: for example, that stokers were forced to wear bluetooth headsets throughout their shifts, so that Chief Engineer Bell could issue commands to them from the hot tub on F Deck.

What do you think, Mon? Might there be some interest in this?



*EDIT: Obviously, Third Class accommodation only had access to the internet via GPRS. First and Second Classes had access to EDGE technology as a minimum (below E Deck and all decks between Frames 1 and 5). However, 3G/HSDPA was normally available elsewhere. This arrangement was considerably superior to what was available aboard the Cunard ships of the time, I might add.
 

Jim Kalafus

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Dec 3, 2000
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Paul... again, not to air private matters in public, but the cel phone captures of the near-collision between the Titanic and the New York you SWORE were genuine when you sold them to me, were identified by experts as being some rather pedestrian views of a cross-channel ferry sideswiping a pier. The Bryan Adams t-shirt on the man closest to the camera tipped the experts off, and from there they quickly made mincemeat out of what I described in print as 'the find of the decade.'

Now, I KNOW that the "genuine Titanic knitted legwarmers," in rainbow yarn, that you convinced me to wear to the convention, MIGHT have been an authentication error on your part, as might have been the Titanic baseball cap, with built in beercan holders and connecting straw, which you asked me to consign in my own name...well, attempt to consign.... at a rather famous auction house, as a favor to you. But this latest incident leads me to believe that you MIGHT be having fun at my expense. I certainly hope that such is not the case. BTW, did my Paypal payment for Madeline Astor's personal collection of Franklin Mint Titanic Collectors' Plates arrive safely? The article is all but finished and lacks only the illustrations.
 

Jim Kalafus

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Dec 3, 2000
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@ Monica. You wore MY authentic Titanic LYCRA when we met in London? I am...aghast. Who is the other woman in the photo? I don't recall her being along, and neither Tim nor I carried that style of wig with us on the crossing.
 

Bob Godfrey

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Nov 22, 2002
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It's only Monica in that photo, Jim. All done with mirrors.

While I'm here I should point out, doubtless to the surprise of many, that cell phone technology in 1912 had advanced to the point where the smallest models of the Nokia range, for instance, would fit quite comfortably (with some persuasion) inside the average suitcase or cabin trunk. Battery life, however, remained a problem on long voyages.

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Jan 28, 2003
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Don't be silly, Jim. It was Bob, of course, though he tells me now that he's given up pole-dancing due to arthritis. Paul's bought the wig and has installed 4G technology in the weave, and I'm thinking of switching to directoire interlock garments.
 

Paul Rogers

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Nov 30, 2000
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Jim: you started this, so ...

Ask yourself, who was the person who tried to sell me the alleged iPhone of Titanic's Chief Officer? Who was it who swore to me that Henry Wilde had received a special exemption from using the Blackberry Curve that was White Star's standard issue to its Officers? Who was that? Hmm? When you've fully recalled that shameful episode - and what I promised would happen to you as a consequence - then see if you can work out why Madeline Astor's Collectors' plates will not be leaving the UK any time soon.
 

Jim Kalafus

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Dec 3, 2000
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>When you've fully recalled that shameful episode

I acted in good faith, believing it all to be true. And, by that point, I had already published STANLEY LORD: THE "LOST" EMAILS- the article you helped me to write and then refused to allow your name on: "Oh, no, I couldn't. You did 90% of the work, and your name DESERVES to be the only one on the title page." I got the last laugh, however, when I sold the development rights to a well known cable/satellite network, and it was turned into a 'prestige' two hour documentary. And....pardon me for asking, but who was it who fed me the information that I assimilated and then made public, via a rare TV interview, that the Cafe Parisian was headquarters for "a social set in which lust was the price of admission and satan himself held the reins?" And, by the way, I followed the directions you gave me to find your house last night, to the letter, twice, and both times found myself at a sewage treatment facility far to the east of London. I am sure that the gathering survived without me.
 

Bob Godfrey

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Nov 22, 2002
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Jim, how could you possibly have got lost when only last week I sold you Boxhall's autographed TomTom Satnav?